The Big Question

What do we want? 

A question that has baffled men for millions of years I’m sure! Sorry gents, I’m not asking what women want, mainly because I think that is a question that will go down in history with the likes of “do fish sleep?” and “which came first, the chicken or the egg?” 

I know you googled that first one…

I’m talking about everyone: what is it that we all want in life?  Money? Love? A great job?  

Personally I want to wake up as Beyonce or at least have an unlimited account with ASOS. Oh and an incredibly hot guy to bring me breakfast in bed every morning would be an added bonus. 

However, on a more realistic note, what is it that will bring us true happiness? This has really confused me over the years, but I also think as you get older the goalposts change. For example, when I was 20, all I wanted was to be a popstar! Realistic, I’m sure you all agree. But for a while, this was actually going to plan - I was in a girl group, up and coming and about to go on tour with Kylie Minogue; I was happier than ever. We had no money and were absolutely knackered but I was having the time of my life! But it all kind of came to an abrupt halt. We were suddenly dumped by our manager and sent home with nothing but a measly cd and a bunch of pictures from the tour. Turned out the fish and chip girl couldn’t hit the big time after all. 

I felt like I had woken up from the most incredible dream, I was back in Kansas, but after seeing the great technicolor of Oz, how could I just carry on as if nothing had ever happened? What was plan B? I loved singing but I never really made any money; it wasn’t a sustainable source of income in the real world.

As I got a little older, my friends all started getting into serious relationships and falling in love; moving in together and going on great holidays; yeah they hated their day jobs but coming home to the one you love every night makes it all worth it, right?  So it got me thinking, maybe my happiness doesn’t lie in my work; maybe I need to find love and that will make everything else fit into place. 

So I tried it. I got a boyfriend, got a house, everything was heading the way it should be when you’re twenty something… got a promotion at my job – manager! Sounds pretty awesome right? Wrong. The relationship ended, we were just too different. I was struggling to afford the rent in my house, I couldn't go out with my friends and I was really lonely. The fact is, you can’t build a dolls house around a dog turd. Everything looks great on the outside, but no matter how you try to dress it up, it’s still shit.

You just can’t force love. I was so envious of my friends because they were in happy relationships that I just tried to fake it. The truth is, yeah I wanted the happy ending, but I was just settling for what I could easily get rather than fighting for what I wanted.  Don’t get me wrong, my relationships have taught me a lot, but they also shown me that you can’t just force one thing in the hope that everything else will follow.

So I packed my bags, sold the entire contents of my house and headed back to the parents with my tail between my legs. I was 26, single, miserable and confused. But then suddenly it hit me; I’m 26, I have a well paid job, I don’t have a mortgage or kids, I can literally do anything I want! HOLY SHIT. Why the hell am I moping around? 

Because I’m human.

Why is it, that whatever our circumstances, we are never satisfied? Someone is always going to have a better job, more money, better behaved kids, a nicer house, a hotter body, longer hair, bigger boobs… you name it, we’re pissed off. 

Even if Alison from next door has botox and ends up looking like Angelina Jolie on crack, we’re jealous because she can afford it, whereas us  ‘working class girls’ have to use that little Photoshop blur app when we take our selfies.

You can be married and rich, but have a terrible relationship because you’re a workaholic and never spend time at home – I won’t recite J-Lo lyrics but you know what she said about love not costing a thing…  What is the point in working hard to have money when you don’t actually leave yourself any time to spend it?

On the other side of the coin, I know people who scrimp and save to go on family holidays and to treat their kids at Christmas and on birthdays; they buy what they need, rarely what they want. But to walk through the front door each night to be jumped on and cuddled by their beautiful kids makes it all worthwhile. 

As a YSF (young single female) I love buying clothes and looking good, I like getting dressed up for nights out and making an effort. Yet most of the pictures you will see of me from these nights, I look more like I’ve been slung in a tumble dryer than pampered. I admit, I do tend to get a teeny bit drunk, and maybe don’t act as cool and sophisticated as I intend to… but me and the girls have the craziest, most hilarious nights out and these are memories and pictures I will treasure forever.  

The fact is, yes, our priorities change as we get older, and no, time travel is not a real thing, so you’re fucked. 

JOKE! 

Money is important because it makes the world go round, and it can buy you a damn fine outfit and a Mulberry handbag… but… focus here… its not about that! Ok it is a little bit… but do you think money can buy love? Or health? Or memories? Before you smart arses say it can buy a camera and Bupa healthcare, sod off. My blog. My jokes. 

If I died tomorrow, I would have a gutted boyfriend (yeah that's right, and he's a good one girls) who would have to go on holiday alone, a lonely little Pug and a lot of upset family and friends. I haven’t made a will, I don’t have anything to leave to anyone except memories. No one is going to talk at my funeral about my flashy car or my lavish lifestyle, they’ll talk about all the fun times we had together and how incredibly witty and hilarious I always was. 

Life is about creating moments, it’s about making the most of whatever situation you’re in, because every cloud has a silver lining. This is it! You don’t get another one, this is the big show! So yeah, you might not be able to afford a holiday on a super yacht in the Maldives but you could still have an incredible holiday with your favourite people on the beach in Cornwall.  I get seasick anyway… 

I always wanted to make a difference, to leave a legacy. I thought the only way to do that was to have a really successful career, be famous, be well known to many. But what I’ve learnt as I’ve grown up is that it is far more rewarding to make waves in one persons life, than to make ripples in many. Life is about making your own success, having your own personal goals. I was trying to achieve what I thought was going to impress everyone else, when the only person that matters is me. If I am happy, the people who love me are happy too.  

Never think that you have to settle; there’s no right or wrong answer in this. You know on a plane if the emergency masks fall they say that you must put yours on before helping your loved ones? I think that’s like life; if you don’t look after yourself and try to bring yourself happiness and contentment, whether it’s your work or relationship or money worries; you’re not putting yourself in a position to help anyone else.

They say love is about putting another persons needs before your own, but if they love you in return and put your needs before theirs, isn’t that just a double negative? 

Happiness is like yawning, it’s contagious. If you’re happy, you attract positivity and people feed off you. When life gets hard, you surround yourself with positive people who are going to lift you, so why not be that person and do the job yourself? Words can make you feel better, but actions make you be better. You can’t just wait for love / money / success to come to you, you have to go get it! Taking the easy road is laziness. Look at all those people you envy: do you think someone just knocked on their door and offered them the opportunity of a lifetime? Of course not. 

Will it be hard? Probably. 

Will it be worth it? Most definitely.