Dear my 20 year old self.
We’re 8 months deep in 2018, and I am slowly (and
reluctantly) coming round to the fact that, in 32 days, I will be 30 years old.
I have nearly been alive for 3 decades. Halfway to 60. Let’s just chew on that for a second.
No, I’m not okay with it yet – I wish I had the cushion of a couple more years in my twenties, because everything sounds so much more grown up when you’re 30. You’re a real, fully fledged adult. That’s what they tell you anyway.
My friend said something to me when we were discussing the impending birthday, that was both obvious yet surprising.
The period between 20 and 30 is probably the most dramatic, life changing decade of your life.
You literally grow up.
You go from being a teenager with minimum responsibility and the world at your feet, to paying bills, worrying about your metabolism, going to 15 weddings a year and organising baby showers.
Yep, that escalated quickly.
So, if I could do it all again, would I do anything different?
Absolutely.
But then again, probably not.
I wouldn’t really want to change the course that led me right here, and if I did anything different, that might happen. Of course I’d rather not have vomited on my friends Dad the first time I got drunk, or let a trainee hairdresser cut my hair into a mullet, but we live and learn.
So instead of regret, I want to reflect. Here are some of the things I have learnt from the past decade…
1. Alcohol is both the best and worst thing ever. It will be the cause of some of the greatest and most hideous nights of your life. You will be told the following: don’t mix your drinks, don’t do shots, don’t go out on an empty stomach. This is all very sensible advice. Advice you will mostly ignore for the best part of your twenties.
1b. Menthol cigarettes arealways never a good idea. Don’t do it sober.
2. You will like either Sambuca or Tequila. Never both. Pick a side and stick to it.
3. Eyebrows are sacred. If you don’t look after them, they will desert you.
4. Look after your skin. Moisturise everywhere. Invest in a good face cream, it’s a lot cheaper and less painful than Botox. Wear SPF on your face, minimum factor 20. You don’t need a tanned face, you cover it with make up anyway. Better to be smooth and white than brown and battered.
5. Contrary to popular belief, moaning and whinging about your wobbly bottom doesn’t actually get rid of it. Either learn to jiggle with pride, or stop eating shit and start squatting.
6. Men don’t prefer bums or boobs. They like whatever you have. They don’t see cellulite or the way your back rolls when you twist. Don’t get hung up on it. Seriously, men just like it when we’re naked and show them. It’s that simple.
7. Spanx are never a good idea. Jamming your vital organs into an elasticated body tube is just not healthy. No one has a good time wearing Spanx. You can’t breathe, you can’t eat, and you certainly daren’t fart in such a tight, compact situation. Just wear a different outfit.
8. You will probably regret (at least) one of your tattoos. That’s okay, it’s a learning curve. And who knew Chinese writing or tribal symbols wouldn’t stand the test of time?
Everyone knew.
9. You will do something utterly reckless with your hair. You will instantly regret it, but pretend you like it to justify your decision. Have a good cry, take a deep breath and remember that it will grow back, and that an undercut builds character. And maybe avoid any photo opportunities for a few months.
10. Comparing yourself to others is a lose-lose situation. It will make you feel inadequate. It makes you focus on everything you don’t have, rather than what you do have, which is just self-destructive. I’m still learning on this one.
11. Social Media is a highlight reel. Social media is where people put the best bits; the filtered selfies, the holidays, the fancy dinners… Please don’t compare these snippets to your backstage bloopers. Just because they don’t document a violent case of diarrhea from too much foie gras, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
12. Sex is underrated. When you first discover it, it’s basically like the first time you have bread. Or pizza. Why can’t you just have it all the time? How do people get anything else done?
13. Sex is overrated. Yes, it’s important, but like bread and pizza, if you have too much, it’s going to cause you issues. The hair removal upkeep is ridiculous. Ever had an ingrown hair? Ever had a water infection? Being a sexual goddess is exhausting.
14. Don’t dress for anyone other than yourself. If you feel good about the way you look, everyone else will feel it too. It’s all about the confidence.
15. Confidence is like a chocolate éclair. You can decorate the outside with chocolate and sprinkles, but it’s all about the filling. An éclair will just cave in without it. You can spend a fortune on looking aesthetically pleasing, but you have to feel amazing on the inside as well, or you’ll just be an empty shell. Work on your filling.
16. You will make mistakes. You will spectacularly fudge things up. Probably more than once. But that’s okay, it’s part of growing up. The most important thing is that you LEARN from those mistakes. That is growth.
17. Time heals. It may sound cliché, but it really does. We forgive, we move on, our emotions become more manageable. Take a step back, things really will be okay.
18. Falling in love is should not be taken for granted. It is wonderful, it is heartbreaking, it is passionate and all consuming, and it is home. Loving someone, and being loved is a privilege, and is the centre of every relationship you will ever have.
19. Not all love stories are romantic. Some of my longest, strongest, most loving relationships are with my friends. They have been there since the beginning, through all the mistakes, bad hairstyles, bad boyfriends and heartbreak, and their love has never wavered. Nurture your friendships, and never, ever take those people for granted.
20. Time with family is precious. It is very rare to have all the people you love altogether at any one time. Treasure those moments; be present, take pictures and make memories. Go through old photo albums with your parents and grandparents and listen to their stories. The decisions they made ultimately led to you - so make time for them, learn from them and enjoy being a part of their legacy.
21. You will never appreciate the way you look right now. A year from now, 2 years from now, 5 years from now, you will look back and feel like you took for granted how great you looked. Please break the cycle now.
There is no point in longing for what has been, so look in the mirror and understand how beautiful you are, right now, in this moment.
22. Sleeping and eating are most definitely not cheating.
22a) Sleep is so simple, and so effective. Invest in it. Sleep spray, comfy PJ’s, memory foam pillow, eye mask, meditation. Try them all and make bedtime as important as getting up.
22b) Try to have a good relationship with food. Try new things, eat out at least once a month, throw dinner parties and create your own signature dish. Food is the ingredient that binds us together.
22. Accept compliments. Just say thank you. Don’t counteract it with an excuse, or point out some other flaw; say thank you and just spend a moment enjoying how awesome you are.
I have nearly been alive for 3 decades. Halfway to 60. Let’s just chew on that for a second.
No, I’m not okay with it yet – I wish I had the cushion of a couple more years in my twenties, because everything sounds so much more grown up when you’re 30. You’re a real, fully fledged adult. That’s what they tell you anyway.
My friend said something to me when we were discussing the impending birthday, that was both obvious yet surprising.
The period between 20 and 30 is probably the most dramatic, life changing decade of your life.
You literally grow up.
You go from being a teenager with minimum responsibility and the world at your feet, to paying bills, worrying about your metabolism, going to 15 weddings a year and organising baby showers.
Yep, that escalated quickly.
So, if I could do it all again, would I do anything different?
Absolutely.
But then again, probably not.
I wouldn’t really want to change the course that led me right here, and if I did anything different, that might happen. Of course I’d rather not have vomited on my friends Dad the first time I got drunk, or let a trainee hairdresser cut my hair into a mullet, but we live and learn.
So instead of regret, I want to reflect. Here are some of the things I have learnt from the past decade…
1. Alcohol is both the best and worst thing ever. It will be the cause of some of the greatest and most hideous nights of your life. You will be told the following: don’t mix your drinks, don’t do shots, don’t go out on an empty stomach. This is all very sensible advice. Advice you will mostly ignore for the best part of your twenties.
1b. Menthol cigarettes are
2. You will like either Sambuca or Tequila. Never both. Pick a side and stick to it.
3. Eyebrows are sacred. If you don’t look after them, they will desert you.
4. Look after your skin. Moisturise everywhere. Invest in a good face cream, it’s a lot cheaper and less painful than Botox. Wear SPF on your face, minimum factor 20. You don’t need a tanned face, you cover it with make up anyway. Better to be smooth and white than brown and battered.
5. Contrary to popular belief, moaning and whinging about your wobbly bottom doesn’t actually get rid of it. Either learn to jiggle with pride, or stop eating shit and start squatting.
6. Men don’t prefer bums or boobs. They like whatever you have. They don’t see cellulite or the way your back rolls when you twist. Don’t get hung up on it. Seriously, men just like it when we’re naked and show them. It’s that simple.
7. Spanx are never a good idea. Jamming your vital organs into an elasticated body tube is just not healthy. No one has a good time wearing Spanx. You can’t breathe, you can’t eat, and you certainly daren’t fart in such a tight, compact situation. Just wear a different outfit.
8. You will probably regret (at least) one of your tattoos. That’s okay, it’s a learning curve. And who knew Chinese writing or tribal symbols wouldn’t stand the test of time?
Everyone knew.
9. You will do something utterly reckless with your hair. You will instantly regret it, but pretend you like it to justify your decision. Have a good cry, take a deep breath and remember that it will grow back, and that an undercut builds character. And maybe avoid any photo opportunities for a few months.
10. Comparing yourself to others is a lose-lose situation. It will make you feel inadequate. It makes you focus on everything you don’t have, rather than what you do have, which is just self-destructive. I’m still learning on this one.
11. Social Media is a highlight reel. Social media is where people put the best bits; the filtered selfies, the holidays, the fancy dinners… Please don’t compare these snippets to your backstage bloopers. Just because they don’t document a violent case of diarrhea from too much foie gras, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
12. Sex is underrated. When you first discover it, it’s basically like the first time you have bread. Or pizza. Why can’t you just have it all the time? How do people get anything else done?
13. Sex is overrated. Yes, it’s important, but like bread and pizza, if you have too much, it’s going to cause you issues. The hair removal upkeep is ridiculous. Ever had an ingrown hair? Ever had a water infection? Being a sexual goddess is exhausting.
14. Don’t dress for anyone other than yourself. If you feel good about the way you look, everyone else will feel it too. It’s all about the confidence.
15. Confidence is like a chocolate éclair. You can decorate the outside with chocolate and sprinkles, but it’s all about the filling. An éclair will just cave in without it. You can spend a fortune on looking aesthetically pleasing, but you have to feel amazing on the inside as well, or you’ll just be an empty shell. Work on your filling.
16. You will make mistakes. You will spectacularly fudge things up. Probably more than once. But that’s okay, it’s part of growing up. The most important thing is that you LEARN from those mistakes. That is growth.
17. Time heals. It may sound cliché, but it really does. We forgive, we move on, our emotions become more manageable. Take a step back, things really will be okay.
18. Falling in love is should not be taken for granted. It is wonderful, it is heartbreaking, it is passionate and all consuming, and it is home. Loving someone, and being loved is a privilege, and is the centre of every relationship you will ever have.
19. Not all love stories are romantic. Some of my longest, strongest, most loving relationships are with my friends. They have been there since the beginning, through all the mistakes, bad hairstyles, bad boyfriends and heartbreak, and their love has never wavered. Nurture your friendships, and never, ever take those people for granted.
20. Time with family is precious. It is very rare to have all the people you love altogether at any one time. Treasure those moments; be present, take pictures and make memories. Go through old photo albums with your parents and grandparents and listen to their stories. The decisions they made ultimately led to you - so make time for them, learn from them and enjoy being a part of their legacy.
21. You will never appreciate the way you look right now. A year from now, 2 years from now, 5 years from now, you will look back and feel like you took for granted how great you looked. Please break the cycle now.
There is no point in longing for what has been, so look in the mirror and understand how beautiful you are, right now, in this moment.
22. Sleeping and eating are most definitely not cheating.
22a) Sleep is so simple, and so effective. Invest in it. Sleep spray, comfy PJ’s, memory foam pillow, eye mask, meditation. Try them all and make bedtime as important as getting up.
22b) Try to have a good relationship with food. Try new things, eat out at least once a month, throw dinner parties and create your own signature dish. Food is the ingredient that binds us together.
22. Accept compliments. Just say thank you. Don’t counteract it with an excuse, or point out some other flaw; say thank you and just spend a moment enjoying how awesome you are.
23. Accept criticism. As long as it’s constructive. If it starts getting personal and someone is just cruel, don’t sink to their level. It’s a dirty tactic, only employed by those who are insecure or intimidated by you. Walk away.
24. 3 things that get worse with age: 1.Hangovers. 2.Bingo wings. 3.Your patience.
The third one will be tested by the first two, and the first two will most likely be caused by your lack of the third one.
25. Do all the things you want to do whilst you have no real responsibilities. Go to that audition, say yes to that date, move to a different city, apply for a job you are grossly underqualified for. You don’t yet realise just how much you are capable of, so push yourself, and you might just be surprised.
26. Your parents want the best for you. They may tell you some hard truths, but if they can’t, who can? You are their greatest achievement; allow them to help you navigate before they let you take the helm.
27. Middle age spread is an actual thing. Fight it, with every inch of your being. Prevention is easier than the cure. Also, special shout out to cankles, because you really can’t shift those fuckers.
28. A mid-life crisis can hit you earlier than expected. For my 29th, I got my nipple pierced (sorry grandma…) Does it make me feel sexy and dangerous? Absolutely. Especially when I got my shower puff tangled around it mid-lather.
29. Learn how to be good with money. It makes the world go round.
30. Realise that you are enough. In fact, you’re probably too much.
You are one of a kind, you are healthy, and you are loved. Own it.
31. There comes a point, when everything will start to fall in to place. Until then, enjoy the rollercoaster of your twenties. Get drunk, laugh, take a million pictures and make those ridiculous mistakes whilst you’re still young and stupid enough to get away with it.
Here's to the next 10!
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