Narcissism - You can love yourself, but not too much.

Watching Emma Watson’s speech at the UN was fascinating. I don’t think that I am a Feminist, but her words moved me and triggered a string of personal thoughts about gender inequality.

There are so many things that we could talk about, but something that has become very apparent in the media over the past year or so are the naked photographs of celebrities that have been leaked on the internet. Now I’m sure so many of us were quick to judge – yes, the only sure fire way of not having naked photo’s leaked is to not take them in the first place. But these pictures were intimate; they were meant for husbands and partners, not for public consumption.

 

We have all probably done it, sent a few racy snaps to a boyfriend or girlfriend; it makes us feel sexy, liberated knowing that a picture of our body drives them wild. But what if it suddenly finds its way into the wrong hands? I will admit, I was once forwarded a racy picture of a girl and the first thing I thought was that she was stupid for putting herself in that situation– but the second thing was that she looked smoking hot! People can call her slutty, they can say she is degrading herself and that her family would be ashamed; but why aren’t we looking at the bigger picture? She took that photo for one person’s eyes only, and they chose to share that with others. Why are we judging her when we should be judging the person who disrespected her privacy? 

“That girl is someone’s daughter/sister/granddaughter” Yes she is, but she didn’t take that picture to add to the family annual calendar. 

Look at it this way “the guy that shared that is someone’s son/brother/grandson” I don’t know about you but I’m sure there are a lot of mothers out there who would be horrified to think that they had raised their sons to be anything other that ultimately respectful to women.

Before you say that I’m man hating, I promise that I’m not. That is just one example in a long list of many. Women can be just as bad, if we see a picture of a hot guy in minimal clothing, we’re just as quick to share it with the girls. But why is that seen as acceptable? 

Exploitation works both ways, if a man shares an intimate picture of himself with a girl and she sends it to her friends, why is he not allowed to kick up a fuss? His privacy has been invaded and he has been disrespected in exactly the same way, however most of the time his ego remains in tact. 

We might say this is because men have a thicker skin; they are more comfortable with their bodies, the male form is less sexualised, less exposed to scrutiny. Wrong. Men are just as body conscious as women; however society doesn’t allow them to be sensitive or vulnerable because that isn’t what being a ‘man’ is about.

Emma Watson said in her speech:

“ We don’t often talk about men being imprisoned by gender stereotypes but I can see that they are. When they are free, things will change for women as a natural consequence. If men don’t have to be aggressive in order to be accepted, women won’t feel compelled to be submissive. If men don’t have to control, women won’t have to be controlled.”

 

It is not ok to treat men in a way that you don’t wish to be treated – just as women do not want to be seen as sexual objects, neither do men. In the same way that women are fighting for equality to take back some control, men are fighting for the mutual respect that women tend to reserve for one another. 

 

The ‘selfie’ has become a phenomenon; both men and women across the globe have become victims to what is seen as narcissistic and self obsessed. But why? Taking what you think is an attractive picture of yourself shouldn’t be seen as vain, it should be seen as self accepting. Women are constantly apologising for their bodies – whether we need to lose a few pounds, we have cellulite, stretch marks, scars and love handles; why is it not ok to think that you are beautiful? And if you do take a nice picture of yourself, you feel you have to follow it with a string of excuses to make it ok "yeah but my face is wonky/I need to lose a few pounds/my arms look fat/my eyes are wrinkly" I'm personally glad you look human and didn't photoshop it so much that your armpit doesn't look like some vortex sucking half the windowsill in with it... 

The human body is the greatest creation, no two are alike, yet we all try to fit into this narrow minded ideal of whatis considered ‘attractive.’

Beauty should be about accepting yourself, your imperfections and saying fuck you, I am awesome just the way I am. 

 

We idolise the women that we see in magazines and on television, we put them on a pedestal as a beauty that is unreachable to us. But why? These women will still have hang ups because they are scrutinised just like the rest of us. Even more so, on a much larger scale. We see pictures of supermodels on the catwalk with captions pointing out their cellulite and stretch marks, and yet if someone did to us it would be soul destroying. Shouldn’t we be sticking together, encouraging each other and remembering that perfection is mythical, unattainable;and that true beauty is deep rooted in the acceptance of your own imperfections? 

These celebrities are everywhere, they are photographed in underwear, sometimes even less, and yet suddenly a naked picture is leaked and we all jump on the bandwagon. We are the ones that should be reassuringthem, after all, we put them high on that pedestal, and therefore we should catch them if they fall down to our level.

 

Everywhere we see ways to improve our beauty: anti wrinkle cream, cellulite scrubs, weight loss tablets, hair extensions, make up, Botox, lipo  - women are constantly being ‘advised’ that there are ways to improve their natural beauty – because apparently the way god made us isn’t quite up to scratch.

But it’s not just women, men are being dragged into this ideal – supplements and protein shakes, gym memberships and steroids – now our natural, rugged, primitive men are supposed to be buffed and shaved and waxed and glossed to within an inch of their lives?

What happened to choice? What happened to control? When did we lose the right to make decisions about our own bodies?

 

Emma is right, the word feminist does have negative connotations; but I don’t think that it should be gender specific. Men and women shouldn’t be afraid to have a voice – I think feminism should be about being savvy and making smart decisions, it’s about being in control and having choices. It’s not about shoving your opinions down peoples’ throats, it’s speaking up, yet also respecting not only those who choose to listen, but those who choose to challenge you. 

 

There will always be many different opinions when it comes to nudity in the media – none of which are right or wrong. It’s about mutual respect; whether we like it or not, this is a time of sexual liberation, and we should be embracing the freedom that this has given us, not exploiting those who aren’t afraid to do so. 

 

In Baz Lurman’s song ‘Everybody’s free’ he says:

 

“Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. 

But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….”

“Enjoy your body, use it every way you can… don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own”

 

There will always be conflicting views on this subject; I really don’t think there is a definitive right or wrong answer. 

And you know what?

 

I’m ok with that.